With so many responsibilities and events happening around the holidays, and with your focus being so intent on what you can do for others, it’s easy to let your own needs slip through the cracks. But what good are we to others if we haven’t taken care of ourselves? That’s why it’s especially important to remember to take a break in the midst of the holiday chaos, to recharge your batteries. A little strategic self-care can go a long way during these times of increased stress. Let’s see how.
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As the daylight hours get shorter, so does our natural rhythm. It may just be me, but when the days aren’t as long, it feels as though there’s less time in the day to get done what we need to do. And with so many extra responsibilities around the holidays, this can feel overwhelming.
I’m usually up before the sun, and most days, I’m leaving work right around the time the sun sets. Not being out during the daylight hours has definitely had an adverse affect on my emotional states. Especially the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. With the menu planning, work schedule and logistics of how to get what, where, it all takes a toll.
And with Christmas just around the corner, for me, time can just as easily slip away in December as it has in November. So what’re we to do in the face of all these responsibilities? For me, coming up with a plan is a priority. Otherwise I wouldn’t follow through with many of my thoughts or ideas on gifts to get and meals to cook and people to see. So here’s how I deal with the increased amount of responsibility this holiday season, and during other times of high stress.
Make a Plan
And follow through! When you’re scheduling your time during December and for the new year, take a look at how thin you’re spreading yourself. Did you pick up extra responsibilities at work? Did you say you would host a gathering or attend multiple gatherings? How much time did you leave for just yourself? When is your down time and what do you plan to do to recharge?
For me, work gets a little crazier around the holidays. So making sure I stick to my self-care routines is important. One way I practice self-care is by making a special meal for myself once a week. Also, going to my weekly in studio yoga class is important as well.
Sometimes I feel a little guilty. As though I could be squeezing more tasks into my schedule if I skipped yoga for a few weeks. Or ordered takeout instead of cooking my self-care meal. But pushing myself to the point of exhaustion or cutting corners on what brings me joy is no way to live life. It’s not sustainable for one, and two, Stephen King wrote a few novels about this which should be a clear red flag all its own, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
So before we flip to ax murderer status, let’s try and work some self-care into our schedules. A good place to start with is: what do you already do that brings you a sense of joy and peace? For me, sipping on some herbal tea is a good start, maybe while burning some beeswax candles. A good foot soak is up there as well. With some essential oils and bath salts, it’s something that’s especially relaxing.
And it being the gift giving season, why not work yourself into your gifting list this year? I plan on buying myself a massage before the season’s over. So I have something to look forward to in-between work responsibilities and family and friend engagements. It doesn’t have to be much, but a little self-care goes a long way to keeping your mental and emotional health in the best shape possible amid the stress.
Shopping for Others: It’s Not a Competition
I know when I’m shopping for others, it can feel like I have to find the perfect gift. Also, match whatever the other person is potentially going to get for me. What I’m trying to keep in mind this year is, that gift giving isn’t about the money spent on the person.
Sure, I set a budget for my gift giving plans during the season. But if I come in a few dollars under or over budget, that just means that I found the right gift for less, or I need to reign in my spending elsewhere. The dollar value I put on my gifts does not match the value I place on the relationship. This is what’s most important to remember, and helps to alleviate some of the stress that’s wrapped up in gift giving.
Also, understanding and accepting that the value someone else puts on gift giving does not have to be equal to, or in line with our value system. They can exist independently and not have an affect on our relationship for the worse.
So if someone doesn’t like the gift you got them, or they went all out and you kept it on the simpler side, try not to take it so personal. This can be difficult for sure, but the old adage still rings true, even after all these ages. It truly is the thought that counts. So try not to worry about it by remembering that the other person’s reaction isn’t a reflection of your intention. Just keep in mind that we’re all celebrating each other, not the gifts we bought for one another.
Ask For Help
Don’t forget that you’re not alone! Depending on what your responsibilities look like, you could ask those close in to lend a hand. For example if you’ve found yourself buried at work, don’t be afraid to ask a colleague or your boss for some assistance. I work in the food industry, so when I get behind, there are immediate consequences. But regardless of which industry we work in, being overwhelmed with work looks the same in every situation.
For example, a family member of mine works in the tech industry. They find themselves overwhelmed, usually in the beginning of the month, when they are inundated with paperwork. They were also, until recently, managing the work loads of other employees. When they understood how much they were doing, they had some conversations with their supervisor and the end result was, they hired another person to take some of their responsibilities.
When we’re behind at the place I work, we see who we can bring in to give us a hand with the prep list. Sometimes it’s a person from outfront, or maybe another person in the kitchen that works a different shift than I do. This way, our prep-list gets taken care of, while maximizing the resources and people we already have, only from somewhat unlikely places.
In both instances, when the work proved to be too much for those allocated the tasks, we both asked for help with finishing the tasks. There was less stress on the shoulders of the people who were tasked with the work, which means the work was done with more care. Win, win for everybody involved. It’s also worth mentioning that nobody does their best work when they are under large amounts of stress. It’s almost always beneficial to ask for help.
You Don’t Have to do Everything
In the same vein of asking for help in the workplace, it’s also good to know that you can ask for help in other areas of your life as well. For a very long time, I thought as though I had to do everything on my own and I had to do it perfect. Or in my book it wasn’t worth doing. This lead to a lot of disconnection and hurt feelings.
I was being insensitive to those who were earnestly looking to help me while they watched me struggle with what I was taking on. This directly lead to me alienating myself from those who were looking out for my best interests. I inflicted a lot of damage to many of my relationships this way. This is something that I’m not proud of, but also a valuable lesson learned. I don’t have to do it all, and I don’t have to do it alone.
Luckily, I was able to do some damage control and salvage most of my friendships. But recognizing when to reign in my foolish pride, take a step back and honestly evaluate my situation, and recognize when I need help, has been a huge step forward in being and staying connected with others again. Not to mention being in a happier frame of mind more frequently.
And it takes work. As I’ve said above, an honest evaluation of where you are and what you need is the first step to taking care of yourself and those around you. But it’s a difficult one, especially if you’re like me and let pride take the wheel.
One way this could be practiced is, if you’ve planned a holiday party for some friends and family, ask your S.O. or best friend if you can coordinate the logistics of the gettogether, together. Pick a night to get a few beers, some dinner and plan out the details of what you’re about to undertake. Maybe get a few more people involved in the planning. After all, more perspectives can bring a greater scope and depth of ideas to your planning. Making the event all the more satisfying in the end.
You could also have fun in the process, and build closer and tighter bonds with your friends and partners as you go. After all, this is what we’re looking for when we plan these types of events in the first place. To bring those we love, closer together, and create a sense of shared comradery, of joy, happiness and love. And this is the most basic type of self-care. Caring for yourself, then sharing that care with others while others do the same as well. Like being held in a field of caring.
It may sound a little cheesy, a little too Hallmarky, but who doesn’t have a fond memory of when your friend did that crazy thing at that party that one time. These are the moments that we hold close, that help us remember the good times when we’re stressed and in over our heads.
And Remember to Have Fun
And don’t forget, these times are about celebrating the good. We’re literally gathering together during the holidays to remember that life is fun. Sure there’s work to be done, and it isn’t always one big party. But there are moments of tenderness and joy. Happiness and love. Ease and serenity. These are all states that are worth celebrating and better when celebrated and shared together.
So remember, when you’re feeling stressed this season, make a plan. Take an honest evaluation of where you are at and what you need. Keep in mind that the material manifestations of you’re good intentions are enough. And don’t forget that not only are you able to ask for help when you feel overwhelmed, but it’s advisable, and will probably lead to building happier, stronger and lasting bonds. And don’t forget to take the time for yourself that you need. It’s okay to do something nice for yourself, even while you’re taking care of others. Good luck this holiday season. Peace, and thanks for reading : )