How to Own a Mistake: Hint, It’s Not Always Easy

In the very recent past, I had a conversation with my supervisor about the direction we are going to take at the agency that I work for. The talk didn’t go very smoothly at first, but we ended up close to on the same page in the end. Though during the conversation, there were a few things that really hit home. Namely, how surprisingly difficult it is for some people to take ownership of a mistake or in this case, a bad situation.

In contrast, my other place of employment is a place where we take ownership of our current situations and actions including our errors. Whenever a mistake is made, the person who’s made the error usually owns up to it almost immediately. This is a refreshing environment, and one I was definitely not raised in.

In the Family I grew up in, much like the environment of the first place I mentioned, though to their credit to a lesser degree, everybody had to be right no matter what the cost. Being wrong or not knowing the answer to something was a sign of “weakness”, according to the family dynamic. So why was it so difficult to just say, “I don’t know”, or “my fault, sorry”? I think it has something to do with how we were treated emotionally by those who were judging us and whether or not we believe we are “worthy” of love and belonging.

Shame, Disgust and Not Feeling Belonging

Growing up around my caregivers was tough. Everybody acted as though they were superior to one another and also as though almost every action, however small, was a personal affront to whomever was in close proximity, me included. This is no hyperbole. We also were in a perpetual state of tearing somebody’s character down verbally. We were mean and not afraid to make it be known.

So when one in our own ranks made a mistake, or erred in some way, rest assured we would jump at the opportunity to make that person feel as small as possible. Contempt was an emotion that flowed freely throughout all of our relationships, leaving us calloused and numb to one another. But it was the only way we could survive. To completely sever our emotions from ourselves so as not to feel the constant sting from the steady stream of cutting remarks. It was brutal.

And this is where the shame came into play. Someone would inevitably make a mistake, or say something that was incorrect, because we are human. Then the other would latch onto that mistake and tear whomever apart for it without reservation. The other would feel shame for the error and then feel excluded from the others who were pointing out their short comings. This is how my family built bonds, by excluding those around them to feel included.

So having a special relationship with someone usually came at the cost of cutting somebody else out. In My family, there was never any way to include people and feel belonging. We had to exclude people to feel special. And we excluded others when they made a mistake, something we could use against them to feel special, superior. As though we know how to be accepted and the other does not. As though we’re perfect. This however is a very lonely place to be.

Being Accepted Meant Not Making Mistakes

And this is why it was so important for the members of our family to never make a mistake, because it meant not belonging. This is why it was so difficult for us to own a mistake, admit we don’t know something or even to say we were sorry. Because if we did, we lost our rank in the family pecking order and on top of that, were abused emotionally and made to feel as though we had no inherent self-worth.

But this way of being only bred loneliness and contempt for each other. Because there were no bonds that held us together that were lasting in anyway. You could be turned on at any moment and cut apart by the person who you were just cutting someone else apart with. There was no loyalty and this way of being breaded contempt for one another.

So on top of feeling as though we never belonged, we also felt that we had to be perfect, in order to avoid the feelings of being severed from those we didn’t trust in the first place, to feel a sense of belonging. This is the definition of a dysfunctional relationship. In this environment, you couldn’t rely on anybody and you were always on your own, trying to find a way to belong while nursing the wounds that we were constantly inflicting on each other.

We were Left With So Much Contempt, But Where Does That Leave Us?

The short answer, lonely. Our family used to be large and gather frequently. We had some good experiences and times spent together. But slowly over the years, these bonds corroded under the blankets of contempt, shame and anger that we were fostering towards one another. We steadily drifted apart from each other and seldom speak now for fear of bring up one of the many old wounds we’ve inflicted to ourselves and each other.

And it’s here that I was left to choose, in what direction do I want to head? If you’ve read my post on “Rebuilding What’s Been Broken“, You’ll know that I’ve been choosing to rebuild those relationships from my past. I’ve come to the realization that it’s not about how we’re seen that’s important, but rather the people we spend our time with.

For me, it’s about building those relationships by cooking dinner together, sitting around the dinning room table and talking about our days. Finding that special someone to take a weekend trip with to go explore a new city or trail. These experiences are what matter most. Building something together, regardless of what’s been torn down in the past. But also recognizing that it’s not always easy.

Rebuilding Our Relationships By Owning Our Mistakes

So how do we get to a place where we can build these lasting and fulfilling relationships? One aspect is by owning our mistakes and apologizing if we’ve done somebody wrong.

Something as small as saying, “my bad” can go a long way to build trust in a relationship. It’s in this way that we’re essentially saying, “I made a mistake, but I’m willing to work towards making it right and healing the wounds I’ve caused.” And it’s a difficult thing to do. To be that vulnerable and say something that has, in the past, maybe severed our belonging. But it’s also in this vulnerability that we can learn to become stronger. As Tara Brach says, “we were wounded in relationship, we heal in relationship.”

Independence and Feeling Whole

Knowing that our belonging doesn’t hinge on one persons opinion of us is an important step to becoming strong enough to be vulnerable with those who have hurt us in the past. The key here is, to find a core group of people who support you and accept you in the healthy and unconditional ways that we may not have been accepted in the past.

For me, I have a few friends and some close family that I know I can rely on to help me out and accept me where I’m at, regardless of what that may look like. For example, I may be feeling lonely and just need someone to recognize that and just be there. Believe it or not, this was something that was seen as a weakness in my past relationships. You may need to shore up some boundaries before finding these new healthy relationships, so you don’t fall into old patterns, but once you’ve found them, they are invaluable in helping to foster a sense of safety and feeling accepted.

And this may seem like a no brainer, but acceptance almost always starts with accepting ourselves and where we’re at. If we can’t accept ourselves for who we are, if we’ve picked up the reigns of those in our pasts in telling us we don’t belong, and have turned that message inward, then no matter how much we do or try to gain another’s approval, we’ll never feel accepted because we haven’t accepted ourselves.

For me, this journey took some time to go through. I wasn’t really even sure what healthy belonging looked like at first, because for so long I was used to feeling pushed to the side. I thought belonging wasn’t worth while unless I needed to work towards it. Turns out, this was a super unhealthy way to view my sense of belonging. So what are some healthy ways of self acceptance? I think that self trust is an important and foundational place to start.

Self-Trust, Self-Care

In my experience, my self-care has gone a long way to show me that I’m able to trust myself. When I take the time to slow down and take care of my needs and find comfort in my day, I’m really telling myself, “I know it’s tough sometimes, but I’m here and taking care of myself when I need the break.” Or as an old coworker of mine used to put it, it’s like you’re saying to yourself, ” I’m here, I care” -Heide.

This is also something that’s built and takes time to build. It’s taken me a few years to really get to know what I need and when to slow down and take breaks, while caring for myself when I need it. This may be something that is especially difficult if you’ve experienced neglect in your past. After all, our model for self care come from our caregivers. And if they’ve neglected us in the past, those are the lessons we’ll most likely take into our futures.

Self-Care Routines

Cooking

It was important for me to incorporate this aspect of self-care into my schedule. This way I can build in some down time during the week when I know I’ll need it most. This usually comes in the form of my self-care dinners that I make for myself once a week. I plan a special dinner that I know I’ll enjoy, take my time cooking it, mostly because I enjoy the process but I also don’t want to feel rushed. Then I make my environment comfortable and inviting by lighting some candles and turning on my essential oil diffuser and put on some relaxing music.

It’s a nice way to unwind and enjoy something that I’m fond of. And the more I do it, the more I’m able to trust that I’m caring for myself and am cementing myself in belonging to myself. Then I can extend that belonging to those closest to me and build stronger relationships from a more whole place.

Other ways I care for myself are by batch cooking my meals for a two week period at a time. I take one day to cook, something I’m used to doing anyway being in the food service industry, then I have an easy reheat for the next two weeks. This frees up a lot of time, especially if you have a busy schedule like I do.

Cleaning

I also enjoy a clean and organized environment. Coming home to a mess, for me, is stressful. So I try to keep my spaces as clean as possible, to feel as relaxed as possible when I’m spending time in them. I usually do this on my days off, cleaning the spaces I use most while my diffuser slowly fills my space with my favorite scent. Then I can relax with a cup of iced herbal peach tea and write or watch something to help me feel more at ease.

Owning Ourselves = Feeling Belonging

And it’s when we own these feelings, the ones that are difficult and it’s usually unique to our individual experiences. Maybe it’s a sense of shame or of inferiority, it’s then that we realize that they are only passing, and not who we really are. We are so much more than the opinions of somebody who is withholding acceptance from us. All we have to do is realize this, accept ourselves and our feelings and trust that we are worthy of belonging. It’s from this place of self-care and acceptance, that we can truly feel belonging. To ourselves and others, but also find others who will accept us as we are, without condition.

And it’s tough, don’t forget. We may slip up along the way. But these are great opportunities to accept that we are not perfect and that it’s okay to be human. So next time you make a mistake, try to see if you can own it. It may be tough at first, but in the end, it’ll definitely help you to feel more confident in who you are. Peace, and thanks for reading : )

Image Credits: “‘You can learn by making mistakes’” by AmberStrocel is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0.

Finding Purpose: Ikigai, The Japanese Concept Of A Life Well Lived

Not too long ago I was speaking with a friend about her decision to make a career switch. She’s a baker, like me, but is thinking about getting into the user interface side of the tech industry. We’re the same personality type on the Myers-Briggs so I can see her doing that type of work well. While we were on the topic, she sent me a link to an article about finding your Ikigai, a Japanese term that translates to finding your life’s purpose. And what’s more, there’s a practical guide to finding out what this is for you! I was hooked. But first, let me tell you a little about why this was so exciting for me to read about.

The Drift

Drifting through life listlessly was something that I knew all too well. I had drifted through my teens, twenties and through most of my thirties before I got a sense of how I wanted to live my life and the direction I wanted to take it in. This article, for me, was just frosting on the cupcake (thanks Sarah). A logical way to organize your passions is just the type of thing I’m passionate about and partly what this blog is about for me. But it took a lot of drifting for me to get to this point of self discovery.

The drift first started for me when I was in childhood still. My family had broke apart in what felt like one fell swoop and from that point on I had lost the support and foundation I had previously felt from my family. I was on my own from a very early age and it seemed that I was failing every test that life was throwing my way. It was a strange journey.

I remember looking at pornography as early as eight-years old, drinking when I was thirteen. Skipping school and falling in with the “wrong crowd” when I was in middle school and later, moving from sketchy apartment to unstable living situation until my late twenties. This was something that I attribute to not having many, if any stable role models growing up, showing me how to live a sustainable life. Just me, floating from uncertain situation to uncertain situation.

Role Models Matter

I’ve said before on this blog, my role models were living life like Jim Morrison, so I lived like him. And we all know how that story ended. But I studied Jim none-the-less, to find a sense of belonging as well as trying to have a good time while doing it. But as Modest mouse so aptly put it, the good times were indeed killing me.

I was drinking too much and avoiding all the relationships in my life, including the one with myself. It was a lonely place to be. I continued down this path until my early thirties, when things began to shift for me. But before that, I had literally no healthy role models to speak of and nothing to aspire to.

I kept shifting career focus in my schooling and it took me almost sixteen years to get my bachelors degree from start to finish! I changed my major twice and racking up close to 100k in debt in student loans and credit cards. This was a terrifying place to be. And all the while, no one thought to step in and intervein on my behalf. I understand that I was an adult, but I was also left to raise myself from the age of eight. Any guidance would have been helpful.

But unfortunately I was also the type of person who would scoff at the idea that I needed guidance. Mostly because I was taught that it was a sign of weakness to need somebody else’s help. This was the opposite of a healthy, well adjusted way of moving through life. I go into this some in my post on “Isolation and Being a Man“, about the unhealthy lessons I was taught on having to do it all on my own. Which is impossible, but that part of the lesson was left out of my schooling.

The Outcome

The outcome wasn’t good. I was left almost completely on my own save for a handful of supports, who thank God for them or things could have been really terrible for me. But I was still very much on my own, without any idea on how to move forward in my life.

My career was stagnant and I had little direction on where to go to do what I wanted while changing my life’s trajectory. I had some ideas on what I liked to do, but no idea how to shape that into something that I could make money from doing. This is the point where I needed to come up with a plan to make things happen for myself.

The Plan

This is where and when I started to take control of my situation by looking at what my strengths are and finding out what I liked and disliked. Luckily for me, I love it when a plan comes together : ) My MBPT is INTJ, so I’m a big picture person. This fits in beautifully with the Japanese concept of Ikigai, which in its most fundamental elements is; what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs and something you can get paid for. Where all of these elements come together, this place is known as your Ikigai.

So my plan then became to look at my strengths and likes and then put them together to come up with a way to make them my focus and passion. And hopefully I’ll help some people along the way. So I began looking at the elements that come together that make me, me.

The Elements

I’ve always known that I like to organize things. Whether it’s a spice cabinet or my budget, I enjoy bringing different components together to be functional and coincide in harmony. I believe this is why bullet journaling is so appealing to me. It’s a place to organize thoughts and ideas while adding your own character to the process.

I also enjoy the different elements that come together that make a house, a home. I enjoy burning candles and the ambiance of a dimly lighted room. I enjoy engaging the senses through essential oil diffusers and softly playing music in the background. Being in the kitchen cooking meals is another source of enjoyment for me. The smells and heat from the range, smoker and oven, foods fermenting on the counter in colorful jars. The small things that come together to create a cozy environment.

Our shared green space is also something that’s been a resource for me. From some of my oldest memories of chanterelle picking with my uncle in the verdant mountains of Vermont, to hiking Killington on the Appalachian Trail a few years back, preserving these spaces is important to me. The fresh air and the scenery alone are well worth it, not to mention the environmental benefits keeping these spaces healthy brings.

And finally, bringing family and friends together in a sustainable way. A way where we can enjoy each others company in a non-judgmental, caring and kind way. Where we can enjoy and take comfort in the support and love we provide for one another. These are the things I love.

I also find refuge in writing. When I’m in the middle of putting a piece together, or come up with a fresh idea to write about, there’s a feeling of novelty, a sense of a new beginning. And being able to clearly communicate to others, be heard and hear others, is also something that’s very dear to me. Giving voice to the voiceless. Oh, and building things : )

Bringing It Together

Now that I have a good idea of what the elements of my personality are and most importantly, what brings me a sense of joy, I can use these as a jumping off point, into my Ikigai.

As an example of how my interests intersect my career path, I’m currently work in a family shelter. A sort of holding place for families experiencing homelessness. Although the circumstances are definitely sad, the attitudes are generally upbeat and surprisingly positive.

One of the ways I’ve been finding fulfillment at the shelter is by going through each area in the building, finding a new section of the shelter that needs a little TLC, and then organize and clean the crap out of these spaces.

A few weeks ago I started cleaning and organizing the pantry and kitchen storage in the shelter. If you’ve read my post on rotating your food stores, you’ll know I’ve already done a version of this in my own home. There’s a certain satisfying feeling I get when I look in my fridge and cabinets and see all my foods neatly organized as though they were shelves in a grocery. This probably hits me in a most primal place of food security, survival.

The Ikigai for me here is; I love to organize things, and especially food, the families needed a kitchen that was functional and well stocked with fresh foods, and I was getting paid for it. But watching the families gather in the kitchen and use the items I recently stocked was a rewarding feeling and the drive behind wanting to organize and clean. Watching them find joy in my work.

Living in a shelter, I can only imagine the amount of insecurity they are experiencing. So having enough food to fill this basic need must be a huge burden lifted from their day to day concerns. One more thing I’m able to help them with while also experiencing a sense of joy in the task.

And what’s more is, I was offered a full time position at the shelter helping to coordinate resources for the staff and families in helping find them permanent homes. So my love of organizing helped to show my dedication to the tasks that I take on, enough to be seen as indispensable. And all this by following where my interests lay.

Doing it For Yourself

When I was drifting, I didn’t have a focus, an anchor point. So I drifted from person to person, looking to be validated externally by what their expectations of me were. As a result, I wasn’t really living a life that was true to what I wanted, or what I even liked. This was no bueno, plain and simple. But that doesn’t mean that all of my previous experiences where negative ones, or something to be dismissed.

For example, I’m a baker by trade now and have worked in a variety of different capacities over the years. From bread baker to pastry chef, I’ve made a lot of baked goods. All of these past experiences have not only given me a great deal of appreciation for cooking and a zest for eating, it’s also given me the chance to work with some of the kindest and most generous people I’ve ever met. Such is the case with my current employer. Without their guidance and wisdom, I wouldn’t have made the choices and gained the experience to make me more of the best version of myself. And I will forever be grateful for their guidance.

What this means is, even if you’re not in your dream job right now, which I imagine is the case for most of us, find what you do like about the job you’re doing now. What are the aspects or tasks you have now that spark a little bit of creativity? What are the areas that bring you a sense of satisfaction when you complete them? Find these tasks and see where you can take them. Here is the starting point to finding your Ikigai.

I hope this has been helpful in some way. If you’ve found yourself in a place where you aren’t enjoying the different aspects of your job, maybe it’s time to dig a little deeper. Who knows what you’ll pull out. And maybe in the process, you just may find your calling. Peace, and thank for reading : )

Image Credits: “Ikigai- Japanese concept meaning ‘A reason for being’” by Mikel Agirregabiria Agirre is marked with CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

Home Cooked: Why Does Cooking For Yourself Feel So Satisfying?

Home Is Where The Heart Is Or The Kitchen Is The Heart Of The Home

Every time I step into the kitchen to cook meal prep for the up coming weeks, I get a little excited. The atmosphere is soothing, with music playing quietly in the background while I’m burning a candle and the lights are dimmer than usual. The setting is cozy, warm and inviting. This is my image of what the Danes call, Hygge. Not to mention all of the delicious meals I make!

And there’s also a similar feeling when I cook dinner with my family on Friday family dinner night. It’s a little different, we all pitch in and lend a hand so the pressure isn’t all on me to get it done. But the feelings of creating something tasty together are the same, with the added bonus of good conversation. The music still plays in the background while a candle is burning, adding the “cozy” or Hygge to the night’s event. All in all a great experience.

So I wasn’t all that surprised when I came across this article on “The Good News Network” about how taking a cooking class has a magic pill like effect on our physical and mental well-being. This was great news, and collaborated on what I was already feeling about the experience. It got me thinking about what are the elements that come together to make a house a home? And how do we create those elements for ourselves? I’ve got a few ideas on the matter. Let me show you what I’ve come up with.

The Basic Elements Of A Cozy Home Start In The Kitchen

As I’ve said above, there are a few important components to building a comfortable, inviting home. For me, the number one element is cleanliness. If my living space isn’t organized and clean, then my mind isn’t able to rest. I keep focusing on the different aspect of what’s bothering me, what’s out of place.

For example, if my bedside table isn’t clear of clutter, I feel ill-at-ease. When things feel like they are just kind of drifting around my living space without a home, that’s when I know I need to organize.

Clean, Not Sterile

And that’s not to say that I’m so obsessed with cleaning that my environment is sterile. I’ve known people who clean to the point of sterility and this carries with it almost the same ill-at-ease feelings that living in a messy or dirty environment brings.

A good example of this is that when I make my bed, I don’t pull my covers taut over my mattress. I have a neatly folded duvet on the left side of my bed and I only sleep on the right side of my mattress. So making my bed proper would take a considerable amount of time. And this is time I just don’t want to spend making my bed.

So instead, I loosely lay my blanket on top of the side of the bed I sleep on. So my bed never looks neat and tidy as a bed with tightly formed hospital corners would. Instead it has a neat yet lived in feel. As though the room is thoughtfully cared for, but still embodies the character of something that’s been utilized, loved. Clean but not perfect. And all this to say that living in a sterile environment isn’t ideal.

How Clean Is Your Kitchen? You Can Usually Tell By The State Of Your Cutting Board

I use the same methodology when it comes to cleaning and caring for my kitchen. And the same way some people feel about making your bed every morning after you wake, I feel about cleaning my cutting board after I’m done with it.

The kitchen is where we spend a lot of time in our homes. It houses most all of our nutritional needs. We create or favorite meals there and it’s the place where we get clean water from. For staying hydrated throughout the day or to clean with, water the plants, the kitchen is literally where life is sustained.

So it stands to reason that if you neglect this room of your house, you are neglecting a large part of who you are as a living being. Food is so integral to us bonding with one another, as well as connected to our own and exploring other cultures, that it’s hard to imagine a life void of this type of expression.

For me, this is most noticeable on the cutting board. The cutting board is the hub of the kitchen and where almost every aspect of our meals come together. We process almost all our foods on it, use it as a holding place for most all our ingredients while getting our recipes prepped for cooking and it is paired with arguably the most important tool in the kitchen, our knife.

For these reasons, when I step up to my cutting board and see a stain from a recently cut tomato on it, or crumbs from a cut sandwich or piece of toast, I think, “what type of animal would disrespect the kitchen in this way?” This is hyperbole, but when I see a dirty cutting board I feel that there’s a little bit of neglect happening when it comes to respecting the ways we nourish and care for ourselves. Also, I don’t want to cut a fresh piece of melon on a spot where an onion and some garlic were recently diced/minced. Garlicy honeydew, no thank you.

Also, I’ve recently been oiling my cutting board and it’s never looked better. If you have the means, or already have a wooden cutting board, I suggest you get one and/or oil it regularly. It protects the board from water damage while also giving it a warm glow that looks amazing.

My cutting board after some much needed maintenance.

How Organized Are You? It Matters

Organization is an important part of the experience as well. For the same reasons that I feel ill-at-ease in cluttered surroundings, when I’m not sure where my kitchen tools or ingredients are, or have foods that are past their expiration date, I feel as though I’m neglecting an important part of my life.

For example, I work at a family homeless shelter six days a month. A few weeks ago I decided to organize the kitchen cabinets. I jumped right in and took a look at the state of the cabinets before I started. It was pretty bad. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the cabinets, scattering food debris all over the shelves in no particular order. I opened one cabinet to find that it was housing three plates. That was it. Not to mention all the food that was expired that I ended up tossing.

So I started asking the families what they would use more of if I brought food stuffs up from the pantry? Their answers? The most common one was, “I don’t eat the food from here”. This made me sad. We had neglected the food and kitchen so badly that people no longer wanted to use the incredible amount of free resources we had for them. And there was a lot of food that needed to be utilized.

And I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to cook in that kitchen the way it was either. And they’re not any less deserving of a clean, usable kitchen just because they’re homeless. That’s when I got to work. Tossing the old, out of date items and filling the cabinets with fresh stores, the way they’re displayed in a grocery. While I was organizing, I left the cabinets open to not only to keep track of my progress, but also to show the families that we have items for them to use, so jump in.

When I was done stocking the cabinets, everyone was excited. Even those who said they didn’t eat the food there were interested and using what I was bringing up. The kitchen now looks clean and inviting, more home like. And people are now gathering in the kitchen, cooking meals and connecting. The kitchen no longer resembles that of a twenty-something’s party house that maybe had a bag of stale chips and a can of dated beef stew, with a sink full of week old dishes. No bueno.

Rotating Your Stock to Stay Organized, Fresher Is Better

Next on the agenda was to take care of the root of the problem, the pantry. While I was going through the pantry to find goods for the cabinets, I was startled by how many food items had met their expiration dates. There were bins of half opened cases of food with expiration dates later than some unopened cases. Whole cases of canned goods and other items were past date. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

I went through each item, checked their date and found a place for them on the shelves. I was rotating the stock, breaking down boxes, discarding the old, it was a dramatic shift.

I felt bad about throwing out some of the canned goods that were past their expirations by only a few months. This was because a quick google search tells me that they’re still viable usually for a year or two after the date on the can. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt like a psychological issue of using expired goods.

Imagine you’re in a homeless shelter. You have a mountain of problems and issues to get over and that’s not including taking care of your basic needs like doing your laundry, cleaning your living space and cooking meals. Also imagine that you have one or two children in tow, or are pregnant. Now it comes time to make dinner and you ask for a can of carrots because you don’t have a car to get to the closest grocery store which is only two miles away but a long walk for somebody with a child and arm loads of grocery bags. You get the carrots only to find that the expiration date is marked for nine months prior and you don’t want to dig around the cabinets that look as though an animal has nested in them. How do you feel then?

I’ve never been in that situation before, but I know for sure that it can’t be a good feeling. Feeling as though someone else feels that you’re not worth the effort of fresh food sounds like a difficult place to be. That’s why organizing and rotating your food stores is so important to feeling a sense of ease and comfort in your kitchen. For me, knowing that I can grab anything off the shelf and use it without worrying about whether it’s turned is an act of self-care.

Creating Hygge, Bringing It All Together

Once You’ve brought all the elements of the physical space together, then it will be easy to bring friends and family together, while adding the final touches to the space. I usually have a candle and some music playing while I’m bring meals together. The soft lighting from the candle and soothing sounds help to bring an element of calm to the kitchen and allows me to slow down a bit and relax.

All that’s left is to find what makes your space, more you. Maybe you have a favorite drink you can prepare for yourself to help unwind. Do you use a diffuser? Find a scent you enjoy and fill your space with. My go to is lavender oil. It brings a soothing quality to the room while not overpowering what I’m cooking.

And don’t forget the conversation! Invite a few friends over or start a family dinner night. This can be a great time to connect and get to know each other a little better while creating new memories. And don’t forget to relax. Go slow and take your time. There’s no rush and there’s something to be said for enjoying the process. I usually do just this when I’m cooking my self-care dinner on Tuesday nights now. You’ll def feel better about yourself and your surroundings. Peace : ) and thanks for reading.

Image Credits: “Day 69: Inspiration” by protoflux is marked with CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

So Fresh, So Clean: Natural Cleaners to Keep Your Home Tidy (And Smelling Great:)

I was looking up ways to make my own yoga mat spray a few days ago and finally landed on this video from Yoga with Adrienne. She uses witch hazel and essential oils to make her spray and I thought, “I should be taking this off the mat”. Maybe not that spray exactly, but I’m sure there are ways I could be making eco-friendly cleaners for my house.

I’m already using household items such as baking soda and vinegar to do some of my more thorough cleaning. So naturally I was wondering what else I could substitute for some of the harsher chemicals amongst my cleaning supplies. In the following, I’ll be going over some products, their cleaning properties and a few recipes to utilize these ingredients. Hopefully helping you to make the more natural selection for your cleaning choices.

The Usual, Unusual Suspects

The Basics:

The following is a short list of basic cleaning ingredients you can use to start making your own natural household cleansers.

Vinegar: This is a basic and one of the heavy hitters in your cleaning arsenal. It’s slightly acidic which makes it great for breaking down stains and when mixed with other ingredients in this list, such as baking soda, it’s a great tool for cleaning up tough dirt and grime around the house.

Baking Soda: Sodium bicarbonate has long been used to absorb odors and clean messy surfaces. And when mixed with vinegar, not only does it do a thorough job of cleaning up messes by acting as a mild abrasive, but it also leaves behind what amounts to saltwater. How much more natural can a cleaner be 🙂

Lemons: Speaking of natural, this article from A Taste of Home says that lemons are a natural disinfectant and due to their acidic nature, are great at fighting stains. You can use them on anything from disinfecting your compost bucket to cleaning wood surfaces mixed with a little vinegar, warm water and castile soap.

Castile Soap: Castile is a soap made from vegetable oils. This article from Very Well Health says it’s safe enough to use as on your produce while also being able to be utilized as an all purpose cleaner as well. This versatile soap is cheap while being safe and effective on just about everything from shaving cream to washing your dishes. Pretty impressive for a simple soap.

Salt: Bacteria and other forms of microscopic life aren’t able to live under the harsh conditions that salt creates. So bacteria and viruses aren’t able to grow or survive on its surface. It can also be used as an abrasive while cleaning. And don’t you just feel cleaner when you get out of the ocean after a soak?

The Essential Oils:

Below I’ll be listing a few of my go-to oils for cleaning and listing their basic properties. Not only will these oils leave your home smelling fresh, but they also have antibacterial and antiseptic qualities as well as other cleansing characteristics that will keep your home clean and bacteria free.

Tea Tree: This industrious oil covers a lot of ground. As well as being known as a fungicide it’s also an antimicrobial, antibiotic and antiseptic. It has a strong pine like scent and can be overpowering if you use to much, so be sparing.

Lavender: Lavender oil not only has a soothing effect on our emotional states, but it also acts as an anti-inflammatory, anti-viral, antiseptic and disinfectant. This oil has soothing floral notes, subtle and airy with a shade of green.

Lemon: Here’s another citrusy oil that’s packed full of cleansing properties. It’s most common trait may be of disinfectant, but it’s also effective for its bactericidal attributes, as well as antiseptic, anti-fungal, and antibacterial. Plus it smells great to boot!

Eucalyptus: This oil has equally as many cleaning properties. Some of which are, anti-inflammatory, decongestant, antibacterial, antibiotic and antiviral. It’s no wonder it’s one of the most used ingredients in cough drops. One whiff will clear your senses with its slightly mentholated scent.

These are only a few of the oils that are available to use for cleaning purposes. I referenced Lather Lass for this short list of cleaning characteristics of different oils. But there are about 150 listed on their site and worth taking a look at if you’re interested in learning more.

Some Recipes

Now that we’ve gathered the essentials, here are a few recipes to utilize them in your cleaning routines. The recipes are pretty basic, which is good knowing that you don’t need to be a chemist to naturally and effectively clean your house.

All Purpose Cleaner: Let’s start with a basic. An all purpose cleaner that is safe for most all surfaces is a simple combination of water to 1 teaspoon of castile soap. Pour them into a 16oz spray bottle, put the lid on and shake. This cleaner should be safe on wood, tile, metal, glass and painted surfaces. For an extra boost of antibacterial or anti-mold cleaning properties, try adding lemon or tea tree oil to your cleaner. Or both! about 10 drops of each should be sufficient. If you use lemon, you’ll also be disinfecting as well!

Bathroom Cleaner: This combination of 3 parts water, 1 part vinegar, 1 teaspoon of castile soap and 10 drops of lavender oil, does a thorough job of cleaning all the crevasses that could be harboring bacteria in the bathroom. Thanks to the acidic nature of the vinegar and the disinfecting properties of the lavender, your bathroom will not only be spotless, but have a soothing scent as well.

Baking Soda & Vinegar: Baking soda is a base and vinegar is an acid. when the two are combined, they create a chemical reaction that is a powerful cleanser. Baking soda can be used on its own as an abrasive. And the acid in the vinegar works to dissolve the stain, breaking it down and allowing it to be washed away. You can use this cleaner on tough stains in the kitchen, bathroom or anywhere you find stubborn areas that accumulate dirt. For example, it could be used to remove stains on the wall next to your coffee maker. Or that dingy area in your bathtub that doesn’t seem to lift no matter what you throw at it.

Simple Cleaning Hacks

Using these simple ingredients above, you can clean most everything in your house. Below I’ll be listing a few ways of incorporating them in your cleaning routine to make your place shine. Let’s start in the bathroom.

Bathroom:

You can use baking soda to clean your toilet bowl by putting a cup of the powder in the bowl and scrubbing it with a toilet brush. The abrasive properties of the soda will scrub your bowl clean.

And to remove tough soap scum from your bathtub or kitchen sink, make a paste with baking soda and a little bit of water, rub it into the dirty areas of your wash bins, around the bottom where the tub may be a little discolored from the soap scum buildup. Then rinse with vinegar and let the two foam and dissolve while cleaning as it dissipates. This should leave your surfaces refreshed and sparkling.

If you’re interested to go a little deeper in your bathroom, this article from Real Simple has a great layout of how to clean it from top to bottom using natural cleaners. And it’s where I learned how to clean your toilet bowl with baking soda. Def a recommended read.

Kitchen:

The kitchen is where I spend a lot of time cooking, cleaning and just plain living. So naturally this room has a high priority on my cleaning list. These simple tricks will leave your kitchen looking its best.

If you have a large, wooden cutting board on your countertop, try sprinkling it with coarse salt and using the cut half of a lemon to scrub the board clean. The lemon and salt help to disinfect the board while the salt also acts as an abrasive to scrub tiny bits of stuck on food off. The lemon also lifts odors left over from veggies like onions or garlic. Leaving your board fresh and clean.

If you use cast iron in your kitchen, salt can help to get rid of some of the tougher bits of burnt on food on your pan. You can also use a wooden spoon, or they also make bamboo scrapers for just this purpose. rubbing the pan with salt to lift the rest of the oils and food debris while wiping it down with some olive oil will help you to avoid having to wash your pan with soapy water, which could strip the pan of it’s seasoning and do damage to your pan. Also, FYI never leave your cast iron pan soaking in water! They will most definitely rust and it will happen much more quickly than you expect.

Speaking of soapy water, you can use castile soap to wash your dishes. Mixing them with either lemon or eucalyptus oils to help disinfect while you scrub. Win, win.

General cleaning:

If you have hardwood floors, it can be difficult to get the dirt that builds up in the corners of heavily trafficked areas. By using warm water and vinegar, you can loosen the ground in dirt from shoes and general use that slowly builds up. It will also leave your floors looking refreshed. It may take a few passes so be patient, and don’t forget the elbow grease! Perhaps one of the best cleaning tools in our belts ; )

For cleaner air, try burning a beeswax candle. The wax releases negatively charged ions into the air, which attach themselves to positively charged particles like dust and pollutants. So the candle is literally cleaning the air you breath while it burns.

And finally, this isn’t necessarily a cleaning hack, but it helps to make me feel more at home. Using an essential oil diffuser can help to create a calming atmosphere to match your clean house. One of the elements for me that makes a house, feel more like a home. A friend of mine’s mother puts essential oils in her vacuum air filter. So while she’s vacuuming, she’s also freshening the air, leaving the room feeling a bit cleaner.

There are loads more cleaning tips out there for sure. If you have any that you swear by, I’d love to hear about them in the comments section below. Cleaning isn’t always easy to do. Especially if you already have a full schedule and responsibilities that need your attention. But a well maintained house is satisfying in its own right.

Being organized in your surroundings, helps you to bring order to what’s happening inside as well. So burn a candle, put some music on, grab a cup of herbal tea or a glass of wine and appreciate what you’ve done for yourself. After all, cleaning your surroundings is another way to practice self-care. Peace, and thanks for reading : )

Image Credits: “Dishes Cleaning supplies” by wuestenigel is marked with CC BY 2.0.

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