Reparenting: How We Can Give Ourselves the Guidance We Need From Our Loving Hearts.

It’s tough being people. We’re emotional, irrational at times, and make bad decisions. But at least we’re doing it together? It’s no secret that the state of the human condition can, and has been scary. With all the violence and oppression we are imposing on one another it’s hard to remember that there are even greater problems that we are in the midst of dealing with. That are threatening our survival as a species. It seems like things are going from bad, to worse.

With what seems to be a pretty bleak outlook on our collective futures the big question is, “what can we do about it?” Most of us are wrapped up in the same cycle of uncertainty, fear and anxiety that perpetuate the emotional states that we end up taking out on one another. But maybe if we take a closer look at how we’ve cultivated these states and find out where the source is, we can begin to create a healthier approach to how we respond to ourselves and our emotions. And in turn how we relate to one another. Maybe along the way we can extend our healthier habits to include our world, animals and natural resources as well.

So it is in this vein that the focus of the next few posts will explore ways that we can change the unhealthy cycles we’ve cultivated. I’ll be referring to these changes as reparenting. From my experience we’re not born fearing the uncertainty that creates these anxiety provoking cycles. It’s usually inherited from our caregivers. I inherited a mountain of toxic lessons that were meant to arm me for my future. But instead left me emotionally unstable and unable to care for myself.

But it wasn’t my care-givers faults either. They themselves were taught these toxic lessons that they in turn handed down to me. Like a cursed family heirloom of sorts. Something that would imbue the holder with the inability to cope with the stress that happens to us all in life. Leaving me/us emotionally unable to deal. And without healthy lessons we’ll turn to pretty much whatever seems right or whatever feels good to us at the time. Not knowing the price we may have to pay down the line or the ramifications for our actions. We free float in an area of moral ambiguity. Where every decision has a hazy outlook accompanied by the question, is this okay for me to do?

I’ll be focusing on a broad spectrum of areas that we all come in contact with day to day (the short list I haven’t exactly settled on yet). Where without a strong sense of healthy boundaries we could easily get waylaid by whatever seems easy or appealing at the time. One of the areas I’ll be exploring is budgeting money.

Which is an apt analogy for creating healthy boundaries because so much of what we chose to do day to day involves some sort of budgeting or self-restraint. Should I have another serving of fried chicken, or maybe I can skip this run, just this once… I’m not saying that there aren’t going to be times to enjoy the occasional indulgence or take a much deserved break from your everyday routine. But if your goal is to lose weight and you indulge in soda every time you get thirsty, you’re going to have difficulty reaching your goal. And put yourself through unnecessary frustrations.

In the next few posts I’ll be sharing with you my experiences of the ways I used to do things. Using the unhealthy lessons and boundaries I used to operate under. I’ll compare them to similar times in the present where I’ve gone a different route and the tools I used to get there. But more importantly how I developed the tools I used. Because it is ultimately about the ways we get to our destination and the intention behind the outcome that really defines our character and personality.

We all have had some times in our lives where we could have used a little more guidance. Some of us have not been so lucky as others when it comes to having thoughtful and loving guidance from an adult role-model. One who had our best interests at heart. But whether we need a little more healthy influence in our lives, or a complete overhaul, we can always make time to give ourselves the resources, love and wisdom we need to move forward in a healthier direction.

It may be a bit of a struggle at first when we decide to step out onto the path. But it’s one that gets easier with practice and I hope you’ll find as I did there are loads of resources available to those who make the endeavor. I’ll be listing the resources I reference in my posts on my Community page along with other sites that I’ve found to be useful in some way. As always, I encourage your feedback and would love to hear of any resources you have found useful on your path. Together we can carry each other through the good times and the bad.

Image Credits: “‘Parenting'” by Carol (vanhookc) is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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